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The Downton Defense

Why “The” Episode Was Good for Women

If you aren’t caught up on the current season of Downton Abbey, and you don’t appreciate spoilers, please stop reading right here.

If you have seen the show—specifically the episode where Anna gets brutally raped by a visiting valet—then I’d love to know in which camp of viewers you’d place yourself.

Camp A (the louder camp): The show pulled a horrific ratings stunt and degraded women by allowing a beloved character to be sexually assaulted.

or

Camp B (the calmer camp): The show should be applauded for weaving in a realistic, terrifying act of violence upon a strong female character, who has so far beaten life’s challenges.

As you may have guessed, I’m firmly in Camp B, and honestly quite astounded that Camp A even exists.

For a show that’s constantly ridiculed for its soapy story lines, and a narrative that shockingly killed two major characters off last season, I can’t imagine how anyone could be surprised that violence would make its way into subsequent episodes.

Not long after the season premiere aired here in the U.S., I read a number of whiny social media posts about how “boring” the show had become in its fourth installment.

Still bored? Didn’t think so.

Placing a well-liked, strong, feminine character in such nauseating peril is a perfect way to communicate the restrictions of the era and the reality of class division.

If the rape had happened to Lady Mary or Lady Edith, the police would have been called or Lord Grantham would have handled it with no fear of repercussions. There would have been what we would now call a media “gag order” to protect the Lady, and—save for the victim—everyone would move on.

If the rape did happen to a servant like Anna, it would be her word against her attacker, and if she reported it, she’d undoubtedly bring shame to the residence. Furthermore, she’d most likely be shamed out of her job, leaving her penniless and without a sense of normalcy to help cope with her pain.

Just a few decades ago, the British royal family underwent scrutiny after a male servant alleged rape by another male employee of higher regard. The Palace denied the event took place, and the victim died of an “unknown illness” at age 44. Princess Diana was said to have a recording that would reveal the truth about the incident, but that was lost shortly after her death. Whether the victim was telling the truth or lying to damage the royal reputation, the whole situation is tragic.

Quite frankly, us Americans shouldn’t be criticizing any writers or actors about choosing to spotlight the horrific crime of rape. We practically ignore it here, allowing an estimated 400,000 rape kits to go untested because of “budget restraints” or “inadequate funding.”

Never mind the ladies who have suffered at the hands of these attackers; just think of the women still out there who will soon be in their line of fire.

And that’s another point: Sometimes viewing a television show of something horrible that’s happened to you in life can inspire you to seek help for the first time. A spokeswoman for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, is quoted as saying, “When an episode is well done, it can really help viewers.”

On March 18, 2001, I sat down with my ritual glass of red wine and a bowl of pasta to watch my favorite show, The Sopranos. In that episode, a strong, beloved female character was raped in a far more visually graphic way than Downton depicted. We saw nudity, we saw facial expressions, we saw the emptiness of the parking garage, devoid of people to hear the victim scream.

Following the episode I promptly threw up, cried and went to sleep, only to have nightmares about the fictional attacker. I parked only on the street for about a year thereafter.

It was a disturbing, sickening episode, but I don’t remember the outcry surrounding it nearly as much as the overreactions I’m seeing in regard to Downton.

Some may argue that The Sopranos was an inherently violent show and those who are bothered by such violence wouldn’t watch it anyway, but I beg to differ.

Just because Downton Abbey doesn’t feature mobsters, doesn’t mean it should be exempt from exploring real-life scenarios. In present-day U.K. an estimated 1 in 5 women has experienced sexual violence; in the U.S. the number is 1 in 6. Until we recognize that these statistics are unacceptable, we need reminders of the crimes.

No matter how painful they may be to watch.

The Final Night of the U2 Conference

Cleveland, Ohio, April 27, 2013

The last day of a conference is always hard—the people you’re getting used to seeing at meals, in the elevators, at the sessions are about to go away, just as you are, and reality is about to return.

The final presentation at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum was that of Steve Averill, graphic designer for the band, and the man who named them U2.

I saw him before back in 2003, and it was cool to see the updates (since U2 have released two albums since then) as well as hear the classic stories behind the covers once more.

After that, I attempted to nap, but kept getting texts and calls, so I finally gave up.

I was exhausted and starving by the time Matt, Michelle and I walked over to the Hard Rock Café.

The line was long (our event was ticket-only so they were in the process of forcing others to leave before we could come in) and we had to wait a while before entry. I got carded on the way in, so that made me smile.

Mary was sweet enough to reserve us a table, so we had a great view of the stage as The Unforgettable Fire tribute band began to play.

I tried to eat a salad and some bread to perk up, but the food came in stages and it wasn’t tasting right.

To solve that problem, I began to drink heavily. Bahama Mamas all around!

Soon Marylinn joined me and we stood on the benches of the table for the duration of the show, dancing and laughing and being silly as we typically are when we’re together. In fact, somewhere there’s probably a running tally of how many pictures we photobombed. 🙂

It was great fun, and the band was full of energy and signature U2 moves.

A nice way to wrap up a phenomenal weekend for the tribe.

@U2 Staff (and Friends) Dinner

Cleveland, Ohio, April 26, 2013

Following a showing of U23D at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, Matt hosted an @U2 staff dinner at The Corner Alley.

It was the perfect place to unwind—a bowling alley burger joint, brimming with monster-sized onion rings and beers on tap.

I loved the opportunity to catch up with Gary and Angela, both of whom I hadn’t seen in years, and to get to know some of our newer staff.

Following the meal, a few of us landed back at the hotel bar for a late-night drink and were joined by special guest Bill Carter. We told stories until we were all too wiped out to go on.

A pretty wonderful evening.

Bill Carter at the U2 Conference

Cleveland, Ohio, April 26, 2013

After a wonderful morning, I was even more energized for what was coming next.

I changed into my lavender dress to match our keynote speaker, Bill Carter, and headed out with him to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

We were greeted warmly by their superb staff and taken to the Green Room where there were refreshments and comfortable chairs waiting for us.

After safely stashing our belongings, we explored the inside of the theater where he’d deliver his keynote lecture and took time to tour the exhibits.

Every time I see Bill, it’s usually for just a few minutes—a quick catch-up, a hug, and then he’s gone. But this time, I actually had him all to myself for over an hour, which was an incredible gift. He has a habit of hopping around the planet to do amazing things, and in no way, shape or form do I expect or want him to slow down. But damn, it was fun to talk with him.

When it was time to send him to the stage, I quickly learned how to use his iPhone as a cash register (I’d be selling DVDs for him after the lecture) and joined my friends in the front to hear him present.

Of course, knowing him since 2006, and being a die-hard U2 fan, I thought that I’d heard everything he was about to say.

Boy, was I wrong.

He told the story of how he came to be friends with U2, and how the famous Sarajevo satellite link-ups happened, and he did so in such a way that those of us who were in the audience felt as if we were re-living every moment right along with him.

He gave anecdotal details about his conversations with the band that I don’t recall seeing anywhere else, and then he took questions from the crowd.

I became so enveloped in his responses that I nearly missed my cue to get up and leave a few minutes early to set up his book signing table out in the hallway.

As I was arranging his Miss Sarajevo DVDs and chatting with the Rock Hall staff about how captivating he was, I heard the crowd roar and began to see fans pour out of the auditorium.

And none of them left.

They all darted right over to our table and began buying books and DVDs for him to sign.

When Bill emerged and took his seat, I tried to focus on selling his DVDs (that was my job, after all), but I did catch glimpses of fans with tears in their eyes, jubilant smiles and kind comments as they approached him. It warmed my heart.

I’m so glad he was able to make it to our conference and touch so many people.

Interview with Jim Henke

Cleveland, Ohio, April 26, 2013

When you wake up happy, the sound of the alarm doesn’t hurt so bad.

I always love interview days—it’s one thing in life I’ve always felt I do well, so my nerves are typically those of anticipation; not dread. As I was getting dressed in my red-and-black suit (U2 colors, of course) for my Friday Funday, I couldn’t help but reflect on how damn lucky I am to have opportunities like this. I don’t ever want anyone to think I take a moment of it for granted, because I don’t, and sometimes I almost have to pinch myself to believe it’s actually happening.

Anyway, in my fuzzy, happy mood I went down for a quick bite with Sherry and then straight to sound check. Somehow, in the midst of it all, I unfortunately forgot my glasses. After a few jokes from Matt about guests being asked to write their audience questions out on a stone tablet for me to read them, Marylinn graciously offered to run to my hotel room and retrieve my glasses. She saved the day (as usual) and had them up to the stage by the time Matt was introducing me.

Former Rolling Stone Editor/Writer Jim Henke opened the session with a presentation about the U2 exhibit he brought to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum in 2003 when he was curator. He had wonderful photos of sacred artifacts, such as the first U2 T-shirt (which Larry screen-printed in high school art class); numerous tour outfits and the trophy the band had won in the famous St. Patrick’s Day competition.

With that as a foundation, I began the interview, first discussing the current state of music journalism and the impact of social media. The band not being active on the most popular platforms seems to be a hot topic amongst fans, so the audience responded well to the dialog. I also touched on Jim’s association with the band, and he shared his role in Bono’s writing of “Pride (In The Name Of Love).”

What I gleamed most from his responses was the fact that after all these years in the industry, he’s still a fan of the band—both as musicians making quality albums and men who make the world a better place. In fact, that was a common thread amongst all of the conference guests who are associates of U2; they all say the same thing: They’re great guys.

The audience asked some wonderful questions, I exhausted mine and before we knew it the time was up.

Following the presentation, I was approached by a woman I had the pleasure of attending the Slane castle concert with back in 2001. We hadn’t seen each other since then, so it was wonderful to have her in attendance and see that she’s still as passionate of a fan as she ever was.

Next up was Matt’s interview with former U2 publicist Brian O’Neal, who told wonderful stories of the band in their prime. The way he lit up during the conversation made the audience (myself included) hang on his every word. If only his session had been longer!

Following that presentation, the girls and I decided we needed some fuel, so we asked the front desk for a restaurant recommendation and got a wonderful one.

We landed at the Blue Point Grille, where we enjoyed (amazingly priced) lavish lunches in a bright, classy dining room with phenomenal service.

It’s times like those, when it’s just a small group of us, where we have the ‘real’ conversations that separate friends from acquaintances.

Part of the joy of attending events like the conference are seeing new faces and learning about other fans, but what many people don’t realize is that some of us have been friends for over a decade and we seldom get to see each other outside these settings. We know about each others’ families and careers, and it’s nice to have a few moments where we’re not discussing our dream setlists or what Bono might be wearing on the upcoming tour. U2 brought us together, sure, but they’re not necessarily what keeps us close.

When we returned to the hotel, Marylinn had work to do, Michelle wanted to head to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame early to see the exhibits, and I needed to pretty up for my next round of duties…

U2 Conference Eve

Cleveland, Ohio, April 25, 2013

The weather in the Midwest is never supposed to be better than the weather in the Northwest during Spring. It goes against the natural order of things.

So when I arrived in Cleveland to a hailstorm, I wasn’t sure how the weekend would turn out.

Thankfully, upon arrival at the hotel, I was greeted by some of my oldest and dearest friends in the world: Marylinn, Matt and Sherry. After a flurry of hugs and hellos with more fellow U2 fans, Marylinn and I retreated to my hotel room to play catch up. Babbling from excitement, we quickly decided we should rest for a bit before continuing on to our pre-conference party.

After a quick shower and some freshening up, we rallied the troops and headed to Flannery’s Pub where the conference had secured a private room for us geeks.

Pulling some couches in, we did what we do best—made ourselves at home and turned the setting into an impromptu family reunion. Over grilled cheese sandwiches, fish and chips and beers, we resumed being together as if no time had passed.

Fans we’ve met a million times, new staffers, conference guests and even a few strangers stopped over to say “hi,” debate setlists and argue over the merit of the album Pop. Since I was interviewing former Rolling Stone writer/editor Jim Henke the next morning, and we’d only met previously over email, he stopped by to chat with me about the game plan. I apologized for my pigtails; he said my hair looked just fine.

I experienced this evening through a complete zombie-like haze fueled by multiple drinks and only three hours of sleep.

Chris, one of our new crop of staff members who I’d never had the pleasure of meeting, was kind enough to walk me back to the hotel since I needed to sleep for the full workday I had ahead of me on Friday. I was grateful for the escort and thrilled to get to know him a little bit better.

A pretty perfect start to the weekend.

Interview with Neil McCormick

Industry, Pennsylvania, June 25, 2011

One of the closest people to U2 in the early days was their childhood friend, Neil McCormick, who was also a musician and longed to be part of their band.

Though he never became a member of U2, he did become a successful journalist, writing for The Daily Telegraph, GQ, Hot Press, The Irish Independent and many more.

He authored a book, Killing Bono, which was made into a film in 2011. The weekend of the U2 concert in Pittsburgh that spring, I had the honor of interviewing Mr. McCormick after a screening of the film.

Since we’d met back in 2009 during the first U2 conference, the chat was lighthearted and the audience was fantastic, asking all of the right questions and laughing along with us.

It was great catching up with him again.

U2360 at Qwest

Seattle, Washington, June 4, 2011

The sound at Century Link (formerly known as Qwest Field) isn’t known for being great, but that didn’t matter the night U2 and Lenny Kravitz came to town.

The weather was uncharacteristically warm, the crowd was pumped and the mood was that of pure joy.

I’m so blessed to have been able to share that with my tribe.

The Recipe for a Perfect Friday Night

Seattle, Washington, June 3, 2011

1 Swanky Hotel Room (booked in your own city for concert-going convenience)
10 friends from all over the country, all arriving within a few hours of each other
1 Irish pub with a semi-private room and delicious food
1 tribute band performance, emulating the band you’re all in town to see the next day
3 or more alcoholic drinks (per person)
A dash of sunny weather (imported from some other state)

Mix all of the above, starting at Happy Hour, while discussing happy memories, laughing about past hijinks and remembering why you all follow the best living band around the globe. Continue well into the night.

Serves 11+

My First Trip to Tosca

San Francisco, California, February 9, 2011

For as many years as I’ve been a part of the online U2 fan community, I’ve been hearing about Bono’s favorite San Francisco haunt: Tosca Café.

It lived up to the hype when I visited for the first time last week—its ambiance is everything I imagined it would be: dark, yet not cold with an air of nostalgia so strong you feel as if you’ve traveled back in time.

Named for an opera, Tosca was founded in 1919, which explains why much of the decor feels very “20s.” A woman in a flapper gown wouldn’t look out of place near the bow-tie wearing bartender or the regulars who line the bar in their fine linens.

I was there with two girlfriends for a ladies’ night and we all decided to try one of their signature drinks, The White Nun. A sweet mixture of steamed milk, brandy and Kahlua, after my first sip I was glad we didn’t opt for dessert at our dinner a few hours prior. So decadent!

I can see why my favorite front-man is so fond of this establishment. The conversations are lively, yet hushed; the jukebox provides an audio landscape that adds a hint of theater without being intrusive, which offers an air of calm not common to typical bars.

I’ll definitely go back.

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